Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
