It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
