i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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