I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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