Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
