Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
