First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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