I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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