It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
