I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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