Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
