that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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