Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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