I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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