am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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