Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
