That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
