I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
