Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
