She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize