Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
