he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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