Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
