sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
