its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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