it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
