Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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