a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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