Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
