I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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