She is in my trunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
