I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
