Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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