She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
