The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize