I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
