He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
