Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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