i'm signing you up for texting rehab
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Randomize
