Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
