Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
