Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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