the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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