If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the day after is always just damage control
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
