She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
