This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
