i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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