Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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