So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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