Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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