Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
