I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
