so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
