No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
