Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
