using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
