Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Randomize
