I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
