He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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