So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
