is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize