omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
