First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
