I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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