i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
