My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
