life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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