Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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