I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
pray to the hookup gods
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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