oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
