My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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