Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
