I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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