P.S. I can't hear my feet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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