His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
