she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
