The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
