when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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