Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
