took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
