It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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