He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
