My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
