you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
