Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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