So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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