....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
