Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
