So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
