I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
