theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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