His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
