How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
