She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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