everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
