You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
