Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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