Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
