It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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