Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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