Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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