Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
