so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
