I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
