You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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