Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
