I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just found out that she named her cat after me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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