just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize