ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
