some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
