i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize