I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
id be glad to
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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