i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
